Financial secrets can be a relationship's worst nightmare, and it's time we shed some light on this uncomfortable truth. More than 40% of Americans believe that keeping financial secrets is just as bad, if not worse, than physical infidelity.
Bankrate's survey reveals a shocking reality: almost half of Americans in committed relationships admit to not knowing everything about their partner's finances. But here's where it gets controversial... is this really a secret, or just a natural consequence of modern relationships?
Rhonda Noordyk, a certified divorce financial analyst, isn't surprised by these findings. She believes that financial discussions often lack the harmony of a Kumbaya sing-along. While it's common to skip over small credit card transactions, bigger secrets can have devastating effects on relationships and personal well-being.
The survey uncovers that almost 1 in 10 Americans in committed relationships are hiding major financial details, like debt, expenses, or income. Noordyk has seen it all, from secret home equity lines to credit card statements revealing affairs, and even spouses using money as a tool for power and control.
So, what are these financial secrets, and why do people keep them?
Secrets can snowball, eroding trust and the foundation of a relationship. The solution? Open communication. You don't have to merge all your finances, but being aware of each other's financial journeys is crucial. Even with separate accounts, understanding the parameters and working towards shared goals is essential.
Almost 40% of Americans believe financial infidelity is as damaging as physical cheating. Noordyk attributes this to the 'trust factor.' Once a partner discovers a financial secret, they may question their significant other's honesty in other areas of the relationship.
But not all secrets are created equal. Some can be harmless, while others are toxic. Noordyk recalls a mediation with a client going through a divorce. During negotiations, they discussed life insurance and retirement, and it was revealed that the husband had secretly changed the beneficiaries on his life insurance policy. For 20 years, the wife believed she was the beneficiary, only to discover she had no claim to the money if her husband passed away.
Almost half of Americans believe they don't know everything about their partner's finances. While some secrets may be minor, others are significant. About 1 in 4 admit to hiding minor financial details, while a concerning 1 in 10 are keeping major sources of debt, expenses, or income a secret.
Noordyk, who works primarily with women, says her clients often express regret for not being more involved in their partner's finances. They wish they had asked more questions and been more aware.
In one divorce case, a husband tried to control his wife's spending by limiting her credit card use and providing no cash, all while keeping his own spending hidden. As an authorized user, he had full visibility into her spending but not the other way around.
"It's about power and control," Noordyk says. "There's an element of entitlement... a desire to have power, and money is a great tool for that."
Among those keeping financial secrets, over a quarter believe they should be allowed to keep some information private. Some don't want the other person to know, while others feel embarrassed. However, most believe their partner simply wouldn't care if they knew.
Interestingly, baby boomer couples are more likely to say they know everything about each other's finances. Noordyk hypothesizes that this isn't because younger couples are more secretive, but rather due to their tendency to keep finances separate.
So, how can you protect yourself from financial infidelity?
You don't need to scrutinize every transaction on your partner's credit card statement. Instead, focus on identifying shared financial goals and creating a safe space for open communication. Ensure both parties have access to financial information and the freedom to ask questions without judgment.
Stay vigilant and protect yourself too. Even if you don't fully combine finances, there are risks involved in merging your money. Monitor your credit, consider a joint credit card (if you can find an issuer that offers them), and ensure your name is on important purchases like vehicles or homes.
This survey, commissioned by Bankrate and conducted by YouGov Plc, interviewed 2,564 adults, including 1,208 married or in civil partnerships. The fieldwork was conducted online between December 2-8, 2025, and the figures are representative of all U.S. adults aged 18 and above.
